“F-R-I-E-N-D-S-GIVING”

What quality do you need to have in a friend?

Ahhh, it’s that time of year again. Where the newer generations have created yet another reason to eat, drink, and be jolly with the people they love. Thanksgiving may occur every November, but in many houses and apartments everywhere, so does Friendsgiving. What is Friendsgiving you may ask? Friendsgiving is a blend of “friend” and “Thanksgiving,” and it refers to good food eaten with friends either on or near the Thanksgiving holiday. It’s very ideal for those in college or in other moments of their lives where they can’t conveniently eat a meal with their family on Thanksgiving day. Gather all those you love in your area, cook, and have a lovely Friendsgiving! I just had one yesterday, and it made my heart smile! I thought of this blog post before we gathered for our Friendsgiving, but the purpose of this post hit even harder afterward.

“Friendsgiving is a blend of friend and Thanksgiving…” What makes a person a “friend?” I know in my 31 years of living, I have learned that we can easily mislabel people as “friends” when in fact they should be more appropriately labeled “acquaintances,” “colleagues,” “gym partners,” etc. I would say that a lot of my 2021 has been devoted to properly labeling the people in my life, and I can say that through this process I have recognized a handful of characteristics or qualities I need in a true friend.

1. Honesty — no one likes liars, that’s not even Godly. And definitely no one likes a person they call friend to be untruthful with them. Sometimes we need a friend to be blunt with us. Shake us up out of our alternate realities when we need to. Tell us something isn’t flattering for our body shape. Let us know when they’re proud of us and why!
2. Genuine — I like to think that honesty is an outward manifestation and quality, while being genuine is more of an inward manifestation and quality. To me, a genuine person has a good spirit and is made up of nice things lol. It’s not within their nature to be rude or nasty to others because it will have a negative affect on them personally. Someone can be truthful (i.e. never lie) but yet still not be genuine (i.e. have alterior motives).
3. Understanding — I once heard on a mediation podcast that (paraphrased) when a friend comes to you venting we should see if they’re seeking empathy or strategy and I felt that! It also said we should ask ourselves before venting if we’re looking for empathy or strategy in return. I know plenty of times I vent to my friends or even my mom and their loving selves offer up every possible solution and suggestion they may have and because it doesn’t immediately erase my problem and becuase I didn’t think of it myself it can make me grow even more upset. Crazy right?! I need a friend who can understand where I’m coming from, and listens to what I want in return. I may need a strategic plan one day, and then I may need just a shoulder to cry on the next day.
4. Considerate — I’ve talked to and entertained plenty of guys who were just simply inconsiderate. I definitely cannot have an inconsiderate friend! Considerate of my time, emotions, and wellbeing. Being considerate may be similar to being understanding, but consideration in a person should extend beyond the friendship. Are they considerate of others? Their time, emotions, and wellbeing? Or are they selfish, never grant anyone any grace, and are close-minded? I definitely cannot have the latter!
5. Good sense of humor — duh!! Laughing is healthy. Laughing is memorable. Laughing is a coping mechanism. I can be extremely goofy, and may even choose to laugh rather than cry, so I need someone in my life who can understand that! Also, life is naturally hard. Life is served to us with a heaping side of “challenging.” I’m not sure why that is, but when life isn’t always glitter and rainbows, we need to have people in our corners who can help lift the weight off of our shoulders. We need to have people in our corners who can turn our frowns upside down. We need to have people in our corners who just make life more fun!

And it goes without saying that I pray I’m the same kind of friend to my friends and I strive to possess those same qualities!

Notice I don’t have “Christian” on that list. My friends, family, and supporters like you even know how important my faith is to me. But I don’t necessarily require that in a friend. Why? Because I know when people see me they see God and His works working through me. Thus, they’re drawn to me and we click because we share that same love of Christ. It’s inevitable. And even if they don’t, they have a good heart and are genuine which are God-like qualities.

What characteristics do you look for or even need in a friend? Yours may differ from mine and I want to hear them! All in all, a friend should be someone who always has your best interest in mind. And sometimes that includes having hard conversations with us or telling us when we’re in the wrong. Friends should be able to communicate with each other, openly love each other, and be a positive asset to each other’s lives. No negative energy this way, please!

Enjoy your Thanksgiving holiday and the time with your friends and family. And if you’re using this time to relax and unplug by yourself, enjoy that too! It’s much needed and probably well-deserved!

No blog post next Thursday, November 25th in observance of Thanksgiving.

“A scoundrel plots evil, and on their lips it is like a scorching fire. A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.” — Proverbs 16:27-28, NIV.

Moni Jay, Off the Record