“Where’s The Wine?! – Part 2”

How do you cope or get through stressful situations?

As many people know, my job as a public defender can be mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically taxing. Over the past few years, I have spoken to various audiences about my life as a public defender. One of the questions I get a lot is — with the amount of work you have, how do you maintain your mental health? In those moments, I wish I can honestly answer with a simple, one-word response: “therapy!” But, unfortunately, I cannot.

I tried therapy a good two times. Once with a therapist who didn’t inform me that the session would be virtual, and had me driving around the city to the different addresses that were listed for her office. And another who was late to our first session and she told me that coworkers can never be considered friends. *long sigh* Maybe I’ll try a therapist from Ray of Hope Counseling Services going forward! I am all for therapy, and I believe in it 100%! I know some Christians believe that prayer is all that we need, but I disagree. God placed therapists here on this earth for a reason, so we should be wise to utilize their services!

So how do I [currently until I find the right therapist for me] maintain my mental health in my profession? The sad honest true answer is still a simple, one-word response: “wine!” Haha! Wine is sometimes my answer for a lot of things lol. When I can’t figure out how to do something, I sometimes need to take a step back, sip a glass of wine, and regroup my thoughts! I was having a hard time figuring out how to get subscribers notified of new blog posts, and I remember writing in my fourth ever blog post:

Moni Jay and her glass of cabernet are going to figure this thing out for sure! 

There’s something about having a glass of wine at the end of a long day that helps me turn my brain “off,” relax, and unwind. Lol, but no, I maintain my mental health with wine, self-care, reading, naps, setting boundaries, and chats with friends.

But you know what else requires a healthy self-care routine? Preparing for something new. Preparing for something life-changing. Preparing for new LIFE! Some of yall may already know this, but I am about to be a godmother for the very first time! My cousin Dayna is due with her first child, a boy named JoSaun, in a few weeks! I am so excited and cannot wait to meet this little beautiful bundle of joy baby boy! But not only is she due with a baby soon but so are a handful of my other close friends! I already know that this time of their lives will be challenging and even stressful for them (and they can’t turn to a glass of red cabernet as I can in times of stress), so I thought it would be beneficial to share some tips for those future mothers-to-be!

A Few Important Tips for A Mother-To-Be:

1. Indulge in self-care. You will be surprised at how many mothers put their needs on the backburner once they have a child. Granted, a child will need a lot of attention and care, but if the mother isn’t taken care of and in a healthy state of mind, she will have difficulty taking care of a baby.
2. Seek therapy. Not all mothers will have a spouse or a full-time partner, and that’s okay! There will be times where the mother will feel mentally and physcially depleted, and she will need some healthy guidance and consult. If she’s in the Atlanta area, she can receive individual counseling sessions at Therapy Peachtree City.
3. Ask for help! This is one I don’t think can be emphasised enough in our day and age. This tip can be applied to every aspect of our lives (like I should have asked for help when I ran into an issue with notifying subscribers of new posts). We all want to be independent, and that’s okay. But we can’t forget to ask for help from people who are willing to help. You’ll be surprised at how many people are in your corner as you prepare for motherhood!
4. Don’t be afraid to love on your baby. Now, this might sound kind of crazy at first, because who would feel actually afraid to love on their baby. I don’t mean this in the literal sense. I mean it in the sense that there’s no such thing as holding, consoling, and loving on your baby too much. I think that’s a myth. Some people think that if you pick a baby up too much, you’ll prevent it from being able to be independent or get through “rough” times on their own. That’s not true. Your baby spent 9 months inside of you, and he needs to know that you’re his safe place!
5. Take allll the photos! I am not a mom (to a human) but I already know that the mind of a mother is always focused on the next thing on her to-do list. Her mind is thinking, “okay once I get him to stop crying, I will put him down for a nap, then I will wash his bottles, then I might have a few minutes to check emails, then I’ll fold clothes, then…” The thoughts are probably never ending! But in the midst of all of that, we have to recognize just how fast time will pass, and we don’t want to miss out on capturing those sweet, silly, and sentimental moments of our baby! Also, don’t forget to get YOU in those photos!
6. Get sleep when you can! This is probably a nobrainer lol. Most mothers and new parents know that their sleep schedules will be negatively affected when they have a newborn. So if you see a new mother trying to catch 4 minutes of Zs while standing in line at the coffee shop, let her sleep!

Remember that motherhood (and fatherhood for that matter!) will inevitably be a challenge. A challenge is defined as “a task or situation that tests someone’s abilities.” So here is one last tip from me to you: be confident in who you are and your abilities. You are capable of doing anything you set your mind to! Fall 7 times, get up 8. You got this!

“Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors, there is safety.” — Proverbs 11:14, NKJV.

Moni Jay, Off the Record