“Learn How to Just Be.”

Do you know how to just “be”? If so, how do you do it?

Yes this is a 2nd post this week. My mind was fluttering with thoughts that I had to get them on paper. This blog is not just a motivational and inspirational source for my readers, but it is also an outlet for me.

Today is my birthday. By the grace of God I am able to see the age of 31.

Yesterday I woke up and I cried 3 times before 9am. Why? Because I was doing A LOT of reflecting. Way more than what is done on New Year’s Eve. As I was beginning to approach a new year of life, I began to reflect on my past successes and failures. Blessings and shortcomings. What I’ve completed, and what’s to occur next. I thought of how I am constantly planning a challenge or something that requires me to add more to my plate. “Okay, what’s next?” <– A thought that prevents me from enjoying and appreciating what I just accomplished. (And also robs me of necessary rest). I was probably crying because I felt overwhelmed.

But I knew I was also feeling emotional and in this mental funk because I try to balance that feeling of being busy and overwhelmed with the feeling of not doing enough. Were there opportunities I missed that would have placed me in a better position than I am now? Why am I still praying and complaining about not having enough money to do what I want? Why don’t public defenders get paid more? Or is it I’m reckless with my spending and it’s my own fault I can’t enjoy random trips and new home décor? How can I take my fitness to the next level? Why don’t I see any abs yet? Should I change up my nutrition plan? Why am I still single? Has my past mistakes really made it this hard for me to find a loving and genuine relationship? Am I doing something wrong? Another birthday spent being single.

I texted my best friend yesterday morning and I said: “I’m in a mental funk this morning as my bday approaches all these thoughts of being grateful, blessed, yet overwhelmed, reflecting on success and failures, putting pressures on myself to see what’s next in this new chapter.” She responded with exactly what I needed to hear: “Just take a second and breathe. Control what you can control right now.” See, that’s why she’s my best friend!

Of course, I cried reading her texts. But she didn’t try to sugar coat anything or baby me or say anything with fluff or be extra. She literally told me to just BE.

As I was driving to work I was listening to the Jonathan McReynolds (gospel) Pandora station. Gospel music always puts me in a better headspace, but yet I don’t listen to it daily. I felt a sense of betterness again that morning as I was listening to my fave gospel songs (all the right ones came on in order too!). I was trying to gather all of my thoughts and feelings and I kept telling myself to just BE.

Be here.
Be now.
Be present.
Be you.
Be carefree.
Be joy.
Be peace.
Be love.
Just be.

But then (of course) I began to analyze what it means to just BE. What does that mean? How do you do that? As my wheels were turning I came to this conclusion about myself — “I put so much pressure on myself and I am constantly thinking about what’s next that I prohibit myself from living in the moment and being present.” Wow. I just preached to myself! Lol. I then came and sat at my computer to write this post.

I don’t keep a journal. Maybe I should start. Because this is just a small glimpse of how my mental wheels turn on a daily basis. How one (negative or positive) thought rolls into another and another. And before I know it, I am no longer following God’s plan for my life, I am coming up with my own or sabotaging my present sense of self-worth because I’m trying to fill in every second of life with something. I am not allowing enough silence in my life to actually hear what God is telling me to do. I know He talks to me and guides me, but I also know I sometimes mistake my voice for His…

I am sharing this with you all for 2 main reasons: 1) because I needed to get this written down to help my mind come back full circle and into a positive headspace before my birthday weekend festivities begin 🙂 and 2) because I am becoming more comfortable with being transparent and vulnerable (within reason) with others. Life is not always glitter and gold, we know that, but sometimes it helps us to work through our own issues and insecurities if we read/see someone dealing with theirs. I don’t know why that’s a thing, but now that you’ve read my whirlwind of 31st birthday thoughts, I hope this leads you to letting go of negative self-talk, embracing the moment, and finding a valuable outlet when it’s needed.

What does it mean to just BE? How do you do that?

“Therefore do not worry (or be anxious ESV) about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” — Matthew 6:34, NKJV

Moni Jay, Off the Record