“Not Your Traditional Thanksgiving”

What are you thankful for?

I promise I am not trying to center all of my posts around 2020 and how rough or how unexpected it has been. As a Christian, you learn to “laugh in the enemy’s face” and to “praise God in the hallway.” When things are going bad or we are experiencing trials and tribulations, we are not to harp on the negative, but look to the positive and know that we will overcome. And that’s how I have forced myself to navigate this year, seriously.

And I use the word “force” intentionally. Christian or not, it isn’t always easy keeping a positive attitude and looking at the bright side of things. It gets hard. It gets draining. It gets overwhelming. I sometimes lose hope. I sometimes feel lost. I sometimes think the world is going to end lol. But when those thoughts creep into my mind, I try to quickly force myself out of that negative headspace, and back to the present moment. I force myself to look at my many blessings and to appreciate how far I’ve come in life, regardless of what my circumstances currently are. Sometimes, you have to do that — sprinkle a little joy on your crappy ice cream cone and eat it with a smile.

And that’s how I am approaching Thanksgiving this year. This Thanksgiving is going to be a little different for me, and I am sure it will be a little different for you too. I will be at home with my family, and I think everyone (besides 1 household, *sad face*) will be all together for the holiday! I have many cousins spread out across the country due to their careers, and we do not always get to be home at the same time. But this Thanksgiving we mostly all will be together, and we are taking a group family photo! (I love photos if you couldn’t tell). The difference for me is mostly a positive one, but it won’t be traditional.

Grandpa has 4 daughters, 12 grandchildren, plus 12 great-grandchildren, plus a warm heart so that meant all of the plus ones were welcome to eat. Period. Holidays were always spent at Grandpa’s house. When I was a teenager and got my first job, I would always try to buy everyone in my family a gift for Christmas, plus my friends and whatever boyfriend I had at the time. That stuff would add up! But then in order to alleviate some of the costs and the “pressure” to get all of your cousins gifts, we began drawing names for Secret Santa. The rules were this: on Thanksgiving, everyone who wanted to participate would have their name entered into the drawing, the gift price cap was $25, and you were only responsible for that 1 gift on Christmas day (if you wanted, you could buy the members in your immediate family gifts too). That made everything so simple! We know that life (even outside of 2020) can bring about unfortunate events, so sometimes people didn’t have the finances for gifts during the holidays. This took away the stress of feeling obligated to buy tons of gifts. It turned into a little Thanksgiving tradition. But I honestly do not know if we will be drawing names this year…

Yes, mostly everyone will be home for Thanksgiving. But, I do not think everyone will be home for Christmas. I think everyone will be decorating their own trees and unwrapping their own gifts in the comfort of their own homes this year. There will still be a sense of love and warmth, but it won’t be the same as in previous years. Once I moved to PA, Christmas mornings were spent in Grandpa’s living room. I swear he didn’t even go to bed, even though he would act like he did lol. Then when the great-grandchildren began to arrive, the grandchildren were on toy-building duty. And before Grandpa passed away, we spent every other year in Orlando for Christmas. These traditions weren’t much, but they were what we did. They were what I looked forward to.

But Thanksgiving 2020 is not going to be your traditional Thanksgiving. Some people will be carving turkeys with family virtually via Zoom. Some families will be grabbing a to-go meal from a local restaurant because they don’t have the energy to cook. Some family members will be eating alone. Some children won’t be traveling to spend the holidays with their parents because they’re considered high risk due to Covid. Some families will be gathering at a different family member’s home with a non-traditional menu. Some family members will be spending Thanksgiving in jail wishing they were home with their loved ones. Some families will be working because they are essential or cannot afford to take the day off of work. Nothing about Thanksgiving this year will be traditional. Nothing. Even if you have the same spread and are gathering at the same house with the same people in attendance, you will still be thinking about others who couldn’t travel this year due to Covid. You will still be thinking about the way this year has unfolded. And I am sure some of you will be finding it hard to find something that you’re thankful for.

But, that’s what I want you to do! I want you to take a moment, take a deep breath, reflect, and say out loud at least one thing that you are thankful for. Even if it’s the internet connection you’re using to read this post right now — there was a moment this year when you had no power; there are others who are homeless and less fortunate as you. Whatever it is. Identify it. And be unapologetically thankful for it! Me, every day that I wake up I am thankful for life, health, strength, and God’s grace. As some Christians say, “I could be dead, sleeping in my grave right now, but He woke me up this morning and started me on my way.” But in addition to those things, I wanted to dig a little deeper and get more specific with what I am thankful for, and I am thankful for three things:

I know we did not expect having to remain in our homes just 2 months into this new year. And when that happened, I know we had no idea how long that would have to last. We were forced to work from home, or we lost our jobs. We were forced to be around our significant others more than what we are used to. We are forced to find a new way to workout or pass the time. It wasn’t ideal at all. But I ended up using that time to listen to and learn about myself. I have been with myself everyday for the past 30 years, and I still managed to learn more about myself during quarantine. I learned what I wished to accomplish outside of work. I learned what I want and need in a romantic partner. I learned the importance of being there for other people, even if it’s just a phone call. In just the past 8 months I have done so much digging, reflecting and growing and it is so beautiful!

This seems to have been a theme this year as well. Not only are we dealing with a virus with no vaccine, but we are also dealing with racism which seems to have no cure. People that Black people thought they could trust showed their true colors. Some Black people exerted energy in trying to educate their peers on the issues of systemic racism and white privilege. Some Black people saved and protected their energy and chose to not engage. I was somewhat of a hybrid. I am Black and the majority of my circles were white. I believe people should ask questions when they are unaware of something, but I also get self-conscious when I do not know the answers. Those conversations have also helped me learn and grow, and I am so grateful.

Confidence in yourself is extremely important. I think it makes you feel better in everything you do. Being confident in your work. Being confident in what you bring to the table in a relationship. Being confident in the light that you can share with others. I feel more confident in my body because of my weight loss and my hair cut — I feel more natural, more free, and more beautiful. I grew comfortable speaking publicly on things I am passionate about. I am humble so I never want to be in the spotlight, but I realized I wasn’t acting in the spirit of humility. I was acting in the spirit of doubt. I am still working on not doubting myself, but I am thankful that I found this confidence!

I am also thankful for ALL OF YOU! I am thankful for everyone who reads, comments, shares, and supports. I am thankful for all of my subscribers. And everyone who was subscribed to my blog was entered into a special appreciation drawing. Everyone, please help me congratulate the winner, Taylor Servedio! Taylor and I graduated from high school together and she is now killing it and living it up in Los Angeles, California. She is a dope photographer and I hope one day to be able to spend some time in front of her camera; go ahead and check out her Instagram page! Congratulations, Tay, and thank you again for your support!

Happy Thanksgiving, friends! Enjoy!

“Enter into His gates with Thanksgiving, And into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name. For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, and His truth endures all generations.” — Psalms 100:4-5 NKJV.

Moni Jay, Off the Record