“Just Say ‘No’ Isn’t Just for Drugs”

When was the last time you said ‘no’ and felt no guilt about it?

“Read daily.”

Last year I made my very first vision board — all the magazine and newspaper cutouts, the colored paper and markers, the shiny stickers and motivational quotes, the works. But then we see how 2020 unexpectedly unfolded… This year I chose to make a digital visual of my resolutions. I used the Canva app and made a pretty little purple and gold graphic that listed my 2021 resolutions and set that graphic as the background of my phone. 14 weeks into the new year, and it’s still the background on my phone. “Read daily” is the first thing on that list. 14 weeks into the new year and I can honestly say that I have literally read each and every day. *SUPER proud of myself!*

What am I reading? I make sure that I am reading something more than just the captions on Instagram posts or the content of my work emails every day. Even after long workdays, I either sit down on the couch and read a chapter of a book club book, or I curl up in my bed and read a chapter in the Bible, or I listen to a chapter or two of an audiobook (yes I consider that “reading”). The main goal of that resolution is to finish more books and gain more knowledge. Knowledge is power. I’ve been a member of the Public Defender Book Club for a couple of years and I recently helped start a Young Adult Christian Book Club with one of my girlfriends. My church also chooses a book to read annually that has principles that can be applied to any walk of life. This year my church is reading the book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown. The year is still young, but this has thus far been my favorite book I read and completed in 2021. What genre would I say this book is? Non-fiction and Self-Help. It’s not Christian-based, but the principles can be applied to everyone’s everyday lives! *SPOILER ALERT: I am going to provide a few of my major takeaways from reading Essentialism.

3 Major Points from Essentialism:

1. It’s okay to choose one area of focus.

An essentialist exerts their energy and focus in one direction than in many directions. Multi-tasking is not necessary. You don’t have to do it all. This was a principle I was beginning to learn and apply when I sat down to think about my 2021 resolutions. You know that feeling of a “fresh start,” right? It’s so easy to think of all of the new things you can do/begin and all of the old things you can get rid of or change. When our minds start to go down that route of overly optimistic and unrealistic thinking can actually end to our detriment.

If we are trying to live less stressful and more meaningful lives (i.e. a life of an Essentialist), then we need to learn how to identify that one or two things that really bring us joy and furthers our life goals. Everything else we can do away with. In Essentialism, McKeown gives an example of how Warren Buffett and his firm make relatively few investments but keep them for a long time. Instead of trying to make hundreds of right investment decisions, Warren would invest only in businesses he was sure of and then bet heavily on them. (pg. 44). Even though bitcoin is a major hit right now, this principle doesn’t have to be applied just when making investment decisions. It can be applied when discerning what activities, projects, organizations, events, and even people you should invest your time and energy in! I enjoyed this principle because I know how I am interested in many things, but then get myself overwhelmed when I stretch myself too thin. I have learned and will be intentional in practicing choosing only one area of focus.

2. It’s okay to say No.

One mantra of an Essentialist is “less but better.” Another mantra is “if it isn’t a clear ‘yes,’ then it is a clear ‘no.'” What does that mean? Become a hermit and be anti-social? Be the person that no one ever wants on their team because you don’t want to participate? Be the friend that is always asked to do something at the last minute because they know you’ll just decline the invitation? No. No. No (pun intended) lol. It means that you are protecting your peace and your energy and will only agree to participate in social gatherings or work projects that will serve you. Why? Because an Essentialist discerns what really matters and is more successful and productive because of it. How? By applying “The 90 Percent Rule.” McKeown describes “The 90 Percent Rule” like this: “as you evaluate an option, think about the single most important criterion for the decision, and then simply give the option a score between 0 and 100. If you rate it any lower than 90 percent, then automatically change the rating to 0 and simply reject it.” (pp. 104-105).

That might sound harsh at first, but think about it — every time someone asks us to join them for an event or to complete an additional task, we get this overwhelming feeling to find a way to “make it happen.” Find a way to squeeze it in. Because if we don’t agree and say ‘yes,’ then their entire presentation will fall apart or their feelings will be hurt. But, the thing is, that’s literally never true! Not to say that you don’t play a vital role in your workplace or in someone’s life, but the requests made of us are never really as serious as we make them seem. For example, some months ago, after I spoke at a Black Lives Matter rally my mentee helped organize, I received another invitation to speak at a different rally. Yall, I support the movement but speaking in rallies is not really my thing. And at the time, I had a lot of other things going on so couldn’t afford to add more to my plate. But I felt SO CONFLICTED trying to decide if I should speak or not when I KNEW that I had no time to. It took me almost 48 hours to figure out a way to decline the request because I didn’t want to let them down, I didn’t want them to think I was unreliable or not committed to the cause, I didn’t want their event to fail. But I finally said “no” in the kindest way that I could, and you know what? The rally was great! There were other speakers there sharing words of encouragement. Nobody missed me.

3. It’s okay to have small wins.

Rather than trying to force a big win, why not celebrate the small wins? Too often we get these grand ideas that will result in wonderous outcomes, but we never get to fully appreciate or even experience those outcomes because we never follow-through with the plan to make that idea a reality. The mind is a powerful thing and a very creative place. Because of that, we need to pull the reins sometimes and bring our ideas back into focus. Instead of having a grand idea that we never bring to fruition, why don’t we come up with a plan to achieve a small win that will overtime build to an ultimate big win?! “A small, concrete win creates momentum and affirms our faith in our further success.” (pg. 196).

This concept resonated with me because at the beginning of the year, my Pastor preached a series on “Small Wins.” Each sermon focused on a different scripture and topic, but the overarching message was to celebrate the small wins because they all add up to big wins. We have to learn to not try to do too much at once or expect all the victories to come at once because we will fall off or not follow-through. Sometimes we can be too focused on the end goal, but not realize the importance of the successes along the way. What God has for us is not going to be revealed all at once. McKeown suggests that we focus on minimal viable progress, do the minimal viable preparation, and visually reward our progress. (Chapter 17). Think about it — a loaf of bread is made up of hundreds of small crumbs. A big oak tree begins as a small seed. “Life is available only in the present moment. If you abandon the present moment you cannot live the moments of your daily life deeply.” — Thich Nhat Hanh (pg. 215).

I have literally recommended this book to dozens of people already! And now I am recommending it to you, lol! It encompasses many ideologies and principles that can be applied to our daily personal and professional lives that will ultimately lead us to live more fruitful lives. And be happier in general! I am all about trying to manage my time better, exert my energy wiser, and use my resources more skillfully. Reading this book has helped a lot with that, along with my words for 2021 (clarity and prosperity). I remember one week in March where I told three different people No and I had all of my evenings free to work on something that brought me joy and closer to my purpose — writing and planning blog posts! 🙂 And you know what? I felt zero guilt about it.

Don’t be afraid to say no, yall! You’ll thank me (Greg McKeown) later!

“Yes, if you cry out for discernment, And lift up your voice for understanding, If you seek her as silver, And search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will understand the fear of the Lord, And find the knowledge of God.” — Proverbs 2:3-5 NKJV.

Moni Jay, Off the Record