“It’s Out of Your Control”

Are you someone who always has to be in control of everything?

There are 2 things that will forever be constant about life — (1) the world is continuously going/moving and (2) there will be things that are simply out of our control.

Yes, I am someone who always has to be in control of everything. And one of the reasons is that I like to know the outcome ahead of time. I was told that this is one of the symptoms/effects of having anxiety. Let’s be real, just about 99.9% of people in this world probably have some form of anxiety. If you ever grew anxious or really worried approaching an event or task, it’s probably because you cared about the outcome of that event or task and you wanted the outcome to be considered a “good” one. (I am not licensed to give any sort of diagnosis, and this post is not intended to do so).

I never thought I had any kind of anxiety because I would inaccurately equate having anxiety with having panic attacks. I never experienced any panic attacks and I don’t really “freak out” when I am facing an unknown, but I do ask a lot of questions, grow worried if I do not have all of the answers, and can feel my emotional state change. My therapist diagnosed me with acute anxiety disorder and based on some of our sessions opined that I grow anxious when experiencing change. Upon reflection, I think she’s pretty accurate.

I’m sure some of you have heard me say that I am a creature of habit, I like to have a routine, or “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.” Example: if it were up to me, I would have probably never moved from my original 1-bedroom apartment I got when I first moved to Georgia. It was nice, it was cute, it was safe, it was affordable, and it was mine. However, some circumstances caused me to move to a larger place. Then due to things out of my control, I had to relocate from that second residence after a year and I moved into where I currently live. I’ve been living in this place going on 5 years, and if it’s in my control, I’m not moving until I’m ready to buy a house lol. If it ain’t broke I ain’t tryna fix it.

So, when life throws me curveballs it can sometimes negatively affect me more than it should. But the good thing is I have been more mindful of that and I am glad that I am now recognizing this behavior/emotional response so I can immediately correct it. I have to remind myself to control what I can control, and some things and some people are just simply out of my control. I also have to remind myself to trust God and know that everything happens for a reason!

This is a friendly reminder to you to practice controlling only the things that you can control. You cannot control other people. You cannot control how other people respond to the things you say/do. You cannot control how some things turn out. You cannot control other people’s thoughts. All you can do is aim to wake up every morning with a positive attitude, place your best foot forward in all that you do, and trust that everything will work out for your good. And you also have to accept that sometimes rather than landing on our feet we fall flat on our face and that’s okay. Learn the lesson. get back up, and try again.

I recently had to remind a couple of people to control what they can control. That’s what spurred me to write this post — I know I’ve definitely written a post on a similar topic before, but not only did I remind people of this, but I also had to remind them not to give other people the power to cause them stress. Sometimes we do not always have control over our emotional or mental responses to stressful situations, because I mean, we’re human! But we can practice each day not allowing stressful situations or interactions to take control of us. Don’t give the other person the power to stress you out or bring negative energy into your life. Don’t lose focus on the positive things you have going on in your life and the hard work you’ve been putting in just because you wished someone did something differently. Yes, I know it’s easier said than done and I am preaching to myself as well. But when you get in those moments where you want to just lash out, give up, or get angry, try to pause, take some deep breaths, remind yourself to control the things that you can control, and stay positive.

Sending you all love and light as you go through this day, this week, and this season!

“The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The Lord is for me among those who help me; Therefore I shall see my desire on those who hate me.” — Psalms 118:6-7, NKJV.

Moni Jay, Off the Record