“Don’t Forget About You!”

When was the last time you chose yourself over someone else?

Y’all remember the TV anime show Pokémon? Where the Pokémon Trainer would have a Poké Ball and choose their Pokémon based on the battle they were in and what abilities and skills it had? (Sorry if that wasn’t a truly accurate description of the show, but I haven’t watched it in yearssss). When thinking about the topic of this blog post, my mind went to that TV show. Not because I am a huge anime fan and plan on talking about TV shows, but because the Trainer had to make choices and selections of certain Pokémon throughout the TV show and tournaments. They valued their Pokémon, and chose them based on their abilities, and loved them.

This blog post is about choosing yourself. Choosing yourself based on your abilities. Choosing yourself based on your value. Choosing yourself over someone else. Choosing yourself on a daily basis. Choosing to show up for yourself.

As some of you may know and have already read, I am a part of the Athens Anti-Discrimination Movement (AADM). I have been a part of that local organization for about a full year now. And their goal and purpose are smack dab in the title of their organization — a group of people that organize and mobilize against racism and discrimination. I am the Social Justice and Civil Rights Team Leader and my main role is to assist citizens with discrimination complaints that they submit to AADM. Whenever someone feels discriminated against in Athens (or even surrounding areas), and they know about AADM and the services we offer, they submit their complaint to us. I get the complaint. I review it with my team. One of us will chat with them.

Recently, however, AADM chose to change how they handle these discrimination complaints; no longer will the advocates be obligated to meet one-on-one with every complainant, but we will address their complaint during our bi-monthly legal pop-up clinics. We hosted our first legal pop-up clinic this past Saturday June 26th. The clinic was preceded by a Know Your Rights Workshop. My friend Alicia Luncheon, who is also an attorney, and I engaged in an educational conversation and discussion with the participants about their rights in Georgia. Especially their rights afforded to them by the Constitution (mainly the 4th, 5th, and 6th Amendments). You can check out some of our discussion on my YouTube Channel here! (Because who knows why, only the first half of the discussion/workshop was captured on camera, but still some good stuff!) The workshop and clinic had a pretty good turnout, and I am glad I was a part of it!

However, over the past few weeks, I have been feeling overwhelmed. I have a reallllyyyyy bad habit of getting involved in too many things at once to the point where my commitments begin to get in the way of my personal time. My commitments start to spill over and consume the majority of my day and my energy to the point where I have nothing left to give to myself. My commitments begin to take over my life, and my life no longer belongs to me but belongs to them. To others. Then I begin to get upset that I don’t have enough time during the week to read, watch TV, socialize, or visit family members. So I reevaluate what’s on my plate, reorganize, and begin to step back from some commitments. Does that make me a quitter?

And this is not the first time I made the conscious decision to “clean off my plate.” I have cleaned it off before. But then I grow anxious as if I’m not doing/giving/serving enough and I begin to slowly add more back on. I pray that this is the last time though and that it’s not a continuous cycle!

Have you ever had to clean off your plate? Ever come to the realization that you’re just doing/giving too much to others that there’s not enough left to do/give to yourself?? And then when you create a plan to slowly move yourself back up towards the top of your priority list, this feeling of guilt settles in? Or is that just me???

Confession: at one of my office’s recent happy hours, I first verbalized to someone else the feelings I’ve been feeling for a while. I love AADM, I love the work they do, but I was no longer able to fully commit to that role and be happy in that role. I told a few of my friends my feelings at the happy hour, came home and then shared my thoughts with my mom. That night I decided I was going to let my role at AADM go. That night I decided to choose me. The following day, I informed my fellow Board members that I was going to continue my services only through July because I was getting too overwhelmed. That following week, I made sure to check in with myself, my feelings, and my thoughts with literally EVERYTHING I did to ensure I was choosing me and placing myself, feelings, and needs first. It was such a wonderful week!

No, that’s not selfish! That’s self-love. That’s self-care. That’s NECESSARY. A lot of things and people in today’s world require us to give, give, give. Rest is seen as a reward rather than a necessity. Vacations have to be earned rather than a part of our daily lives. If we don’t hold a position for over a year that means we are quitters and never see anything through. But all of that is ridiculous thinking! Ridiculous ideologies. And they’re killing us. Killing us slowly. Killing us physically. Killing us emotionally. Killing our dreams. Killing our hopes. Killing our desires. Why?

I’m not going to sit here and act like I’m the peace-holding and joy-attaining guru. I have my moments where I work myself into the ground. I have my moments where I feel guilty if I’m not constantly “ON” for 16 hours of the day. But I am going to sit here and share with you the positive mantras and affirmations I’ve been stating and feeling all week.

It’s okay to say no.
It’s okay to let that/them go if they’re no longer serving you.
It’s okay to choose yourself.
It’s okay to move on.
It’s okay to do what makes you happy than what others think you should do.
It’s okay to use your PTO/Leave time whenever you want.
It’s okay to take a mental health day and sit on the couch and binge your favorite shows.
It’s okay to laugh.
It’s okay to silence people who bring you down.
It’s okay to take a vacation.
It’s okay to clean off your plate.
It’s okay to step back from that role.
It’s okay to show yourself self-love, self-compassion, and self-care.
It’s okay to do all of that and to do it UNAPOLOGETICALLY.

It has been a great run with AADM, and they know I won’t be far. I will continue to support them, but in a different way and in a different capacity. But July will be my last month as the team leader and Board member. This will alleviate scheduling conflicts with my career and open up more time for me.

Love yourself. Speak kind words to yourself. Do kind things for yourself. Value yourself. Choose yourself.

“For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.” — Ephesians 5:29, NKJV.

Moni Jay, Off the Record