“Hair.”

When was the last time you “freaked out” over something that wasn’t that “big of a deal?”

Have you heard of India Arie’s song, “I Am Not My Hair?” Lyrics are posted below, but some days I agree with the moral of the song and sometimes I don’t. I’m not going to lie, when my hair is done and neat, I feel FLAWLESS! I don’t even have to have any makeup on, or even wearing a cute outfit. But when my hair is done — whether that’s done professionally or the experimental style I did myself up in my bathroom comes out POPPIN’ — I gain a ton of confidence. I am not sure why that is, but I’m sure many women can relate (men too! because I know they be feeling themselves when they walk out of the barbershop or got their locs freshly twisted!).

On the other hand, I have moments where I’m like “it’s just hair, who cares what it looks like, it’s not the end of the world if it’s not perfect.” I have rocked different styles in my life — short/close to buzzed, long braids, relaxed & straight, weaves, different colors, you name it! And just about every style I’ve had received many compliments and ooohs and ahhhssss (I know some of my family members can think back to a couple of styles that had them like “WTH is on your head?!” LOL). I was having a moment the other day as I was trying to get my hair done in preparation for my cousin’s wedding. (A blog post about the wedding will be coming shortly!)

I wanted to wear it in a different style than how I normally wear it because, you know, wedding things, pictures, summertime, etc. So I figured, some kind of cute braided style would be perfect. It could be versatile as elegant for the wedding and then styled so I won’t have to worry about it in the heat or water. I don’t know what it was, but something led me to reach out to my barber’s girlfriend who was a hairstylist to see if she could do my hair. I never gone to her before; never actually even seen any of her work… She said yes, and we set an appointment. Something came up, and at the last minute, that appointment didn’t happen! It was Monday, and I was leaving town Wednesday and I was trying really hard not to panic because “it’s just hair, and this wedding isn’t about me.” But then I started to see pictures of family members with their hair freshly braided, I thought about the time it was going to now take ME to twist up my hair to make the curls pop and look good. Just all the things were flowing through my head! Lol.

I went into a local braiding shop to see if she had time for a walk-in. She didn’t! I then went to another local braiding shop that I’ve been to before, and they had time for a walk-in, BUT they didn’t think my hair was long enough on the sides for the style I wanted. Right when I was about to give up, the owner of the braiding shop convinced me to get box braids (which was double the price of the other braiding style I wanted) and in hindsight, I’m so glad I got the box braids! Everything happens for a reason! 🙂

I always feel beautiful, neat, and confident when my hair is braided. I can wear them up or down, curled or straight. And braids are perfect for the beach! So even though I agree with India Arie that I am not my hair — meaning, my hair doesn’t define who I am and I shouldn’t have to wear a hairstyle to appease someone else. But I do think you should feel beautiful in your hair and your skin and feel free to get it done and styled how you want so you can feel GOOD! It’s a way to express who you are as a person!

I’ll ask again — when was the last time you “freaked out” over something that wasn’t that “big of a deal?”

“I Am Not My Hair” Lyrics (pretty profound!)
See, I can kinda recall a lil’ ways back
Small, tryin’ to ball, always been black
And my hair, I tried it all I even went flat
Had a lumpy curly top and all that crap, now
Just tryin’ to be appreciated
Nappy headed brothers never had no ladies
And I hit the barber shop real quick
Had ’em give me lil’ twist and it drove ’em crazy (crazy)
Then I couldn’t get no job
‘Cause corporate wouldn’t hire no dreadlocks
Then I thought about my dogs from the block
Kinda understand why they chose to steal and rob
Was it the hair that got me this far
All these girls these cribs these cars?
I hate to say it but it seem so flawed
‘Cause success didn’t come till I cut it all off
Little girl with the press and curl
Age eight, I got a Jheri curl
Thirteen, and I got a relaxer
I was a source of so much laughter
At fifteen when it all broke off
Eighteen and went all natural
February, 2002
I went on and did what I had to do
Because it was time to change my life
To become the woman that I am inside
Ninety-seven dreadlocks all gone
I looked in the mirror for the first time and saw that
Hey (hey)
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations, no (hey)
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am the soul that lives within
Good hair means curls and waves (no)
Bad hair means you look like a slave (no)
At the turn of the century
It’s time for us to redefine who we be
You can shave it off like a South African beauty
Or get in on lock like Bob Marley
You can rock it straight like Oprah Winfrey
If it’s not what’s on your head, it’s what’s underneath, and say
Hey (hey)
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations, no (hey)
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am the soul that lives within
Who cares if you don’t like that?
With nothin’ to lose, postin’ with the wave cap
And the cops wanna harass ’cause I got waves
Ain’t see nothin’ like that in all my days
Man, you gotta change all these feelings
Steady judging one another by their appearance
Yes, India, I feel ya, girl
Now go ahead, talk to the rest of the world ’cause
Does the way I wear my hair make me a better person?
(Whoa, whoa, whoa)
Does the way I wear my hair make me a better friend? Oh
(Whoa, whoa, whoa)
Does the way I wear my hair determine my integrity?
(Whoa, whoa, whoa)
I am expressing my creativity
(Whoa, whoa, whoa)
Breast cancer and chemotherapy
Took away her crownin’ glory
She promised God if she was to survive
She would enjoy every day of her life, oh
On national television
Her diamond eyes are sparkling
Bald-headed like a full moon shining
Singing out to the whole wide world like, hey
Hey (hey)
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations, no (hey)
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am the soul that lives within
…

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” — 1 Peter 3:3-4, NIV.

Moni Jay, Off the Record