“Extra Cheese, Please!”

What would you do for companionship?

It’s spring time, the sun is poppin out, and it’s inevitably wedding season! One of my good friends gets married in just 6 months! I can only imagine what emotions and feelings he and his fiancee are feeling right now — wedding planning is a craft in its own, let alone trying to get things perfect for your special day. (I ain’t planning my own wedding FYI; my family already knows that!). And can we talk about the feelings and emotions their single guests are feeling right now?? Okay, what they’re feeling is more important, but I wanna talk about how I’m feeling right now!

6 months is not enough time to locate, secure, and invite a plus one to their wedding. And let me tell you, their wedding attire is black-tie, so you already know it’s going to be a SHOW! I love getting dressed up, so you already know ya girl is going to be looking FINE, okay?! But as their wedding date approaches, all I can think about is how I’ll have to RSVP to yet another event “One” and no plus one. This season takes me back to 2018 when I had 3 formal events all coming up in the fall, and I literally made a (yet another) Tinder profile that said “need a plus one for these weddings” or something like that. Yall, THAT didn’t even work haha. I went to all of the weddings and grown-up proms solo (and had a great time!).

Yall ever see the movie, Holidate? It was a cute little romcom on Netflix last winter. The main character was a single woman, (probably) in her 30s, whose family keeps meddling about not being in a relationship. Her auntie, who been got her groove back, always has a different date at every function and auntie says they’re just her “holidates” — a random person she finds to invite as a plus one to events and parties. So, the main character runs into a stranger at the mall, who is also single, and they agree to be each other’s plus ones all year long, with — you guessed it — no strings attached. This ain’t a spoiler, you already know how movies like these end — yup, they catch feelings for each other and fall in love. It’s a very cute movie, I loved it! I come to love many movies like that though haha. Maybe because they describe my life I just haven’t gotten to the falling in love part yet lol.

No Strings Attached. Friends with Benefits. Just Friends. All of those kind of cheesy, romantic, comedies are my jam! I think it’s because I do see myself in a lot of the characters in those kind of movies. They want the companionship but don’t necessarily want the ups and downs that a relationship usually has. But they make me laugh, and they’re very easy to watch. One important thing to note though is they all seem to end almost the very same way. The main characters who vowed at the start of the movie to not catch any feelings for each other always end up catching feelings for each other! That plot keeps getting made. That’s because it’s not just my reality, but it’s A LOT of people’s realities!

Take the lyrics to this song, for example:

“Love me good and lie to me
Don’t want broken promises, don’t want apologies
Long as you don’t see nobody that I hang with
They don’t understand our arrangement”

“Lie to Me” by Queen Naija

Is arranging companionship the thing now? Is entering agreements to attend events together but with no expectations for relationships or feelings the way of life we desire? Is it easier to agree to connect with people but prohibit it from growing into anything more?

That’s definitely the easy way. Or is it? I think it can be easy at first, but no matter how hard people try, they are bound to grow feelings for each other when they’re spending tons of time with each other, becoming a part of one another’s inner circles, and sharing deep thoughts and experiences with each other. That in and of itself is basically the definition of a relationship lol. Those are the things that turn a friendship into a relationship. So why would we think we can engage in those behaviors with other people and not grow genuine feelings for them?

Are relationships full of nothing but lies, apologies, and broken promises? Many people, myself included, have made “friendzoning” the go-to relationship stage. I wonder what capacity the friend zone has because I already know it’s getting full! No one wants to admit that they long for love and companionship in today’s world. Because they’ve been hurt way too many times. Hearts are fragile, yall. Going through the same cycles of meeting someone, growing attracted to them, getting to know them, exerting energy and time with them, just for it to end (sometimes with no explanation or warning) gets old. It’s exhausting. It’s painful. What’s the remedy?

One solution is to just let – it – happen. Be you. Learn yourself. Love yourself. Be kind. Be genuine. Focus on your aspirations. Chase your dreams. Be ready for when that special person comes, but don’t make searching for that special person your life’s mission. There’s more to life than that, and love can be found in many other places such as your friends, family, and yourself! Would having a plus one to my friend’s wedding be nice? Yup! Will I refuse to go to their (or others’) wedding if I don’t have a plus one? Nope! Will I seek a holidate for their wedding? Maybe! (kidding!). Ima go, cut a rug, and enjoy the union of my friends!

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” — Proverbs 18:22, NKJV.

Moni Jay, Off the Record